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17 nov 2006



my horoscope for today:

"You may be more social as Venus moves through your 11th House of Friends for the next few weeks. This can begin a shift away from your pragmatic concerns over business. It's time to gain pleasure from recreational activities with your peers, just for the sake of the experience itself. Cut yourself enough slack to have a good time without worrying about how to get ahead."

mmm...yes, indeed.

16 nov 2006


a work in progress

yes, another poem...i don't know how i feel about this one...i think it still needs to be flushed out...like mad crazy...but, i figure, it's a start, right?

i want an epic type of love
peter gabriel blasting from an old broken down boom box
romanticism enveloping a small dick
reaching up and griping a flat chest
that, in turn, hugs me
in appreciation for my inner beauty that i lost somwhere along the way
and my freak sensibilities clutching my brain in paranoia
he will refuse to slap my ass
and we will gaze into eachother's eyes
as if we were the final scene in some sappy romantic comedy
and as the sun sets behind us, his sensitivity will breath life into my soul
and the soft melody of a classic pop song will erase a world
of boner measuring contests and fag bashings
and nature will give us a standing ovation
as if we were the most important people in the world.

hmmm....coments would be nice...also title suggestions...unless it's crap and doesn't deserve a title...

15 nov 2006

the graduate


the night i decide to study my ass off, my housemates decide to have a kick back...and a loud one at that.

i am not in the mood for this. not in the mood.

13 nov 2006



equus...is over...

this makes me a little forlorn...

ugh i think i'm getting a little sick...

08 nov 2006


hang in there, bebe

new poem...comments would be appreciated...but they are not neccessary...still not sure about the title...

so...here we go!

a eulogy:

white paper
once pristine, bleach white
part of a giant ream of others like itself
bought for 20 bucks at Staples
top of the line
now smudged with so much dark graphite pencil
now stained by so many leaky coffee cups
white becomes brown yellow...the color of baby shit.
Crumpled up by some frustrated, dried up artist
past his prime at 25
thrown out the window into a city garbage can
improperly disposed of.
Denied a future in some crunchy environmentalist
naive stoned hippie college student’s notebook
will never be marked up with peace sign doodles or thoughtless notes
illegible equations that will never mean anything but the pointlessness of math.
just dirty
beyond repair
the only katharsis left
is fire.
Uncertain and afraid our doomed friend stands at the edge of an incinerator.
The time has come
time to jump
jump or be pushed
into the fiery pit
be consumed by the hungry flames
let smoke fill the lungs to the point just before asphyxiation.
Charred paper falls into the creases of that which is still not burned
the black spreads quickly and easily like unchecked cancer.
Yes, the only katharsis is fire
it has done what so much soap, water, and astringent could never do.
Now all that is left is the suggestion of what once was clean
left alone like so many pleas in the dark,
unnoticed as if they were nothing but mere whispers of dead children
in a world of dirty money and the plastic shells of beautiful people.
the graduate

everybody's got the right...

has california lost its mind?

*grumble* i hate schwarzenager...why do we consistantly think he's a good idea?


06 nov 2006


the pelvic girations of a man in a unitard *will* change your life.

i spent the better part of and left equus in a happy mood today...no...strike that, reverse it...i was exstatic...that's a much better word for what i was feeling.

i don't know why.

gee, either i'm losing it, slowly and surely

or i have to doff my hat to that which is the lovely roller coaster i board each month...

i broke the carrafe to my coffee pot today, trying to clean it, and oddly using too much force...anyway, i was upset and now see myself buying coffee from a coffee cart until i find a 4 cup carrafe or spring for a drip coffee maker...who knows?

i do find it odd that it was so brittle...

regardless, equus put me in a better mood and i went home dancing...i nearly did leaps across the bridge between the isb and college ten.

i was listening to music, in case you're wondering...

anyway, time to shower and go to bed feeling fat and sassy.

peace out lovlies.

04 nov 2006

the graduate

getting tea bagged by a man in a unitard *could* change your life...

the brown rice, vegis, and tofu i was thinking about since the moment i got to call tonight turned out to be unsatisfying. a bit like they say in "Showgirls"...(which i've actually consciously, soberly decided to watch bits of from time to time)...it's starting to taste like dog food. therefore, i just ate a couple of tortillas to suppliment it...

this is deffinitely an epic musical night...and i'm in a tragically epic mood. unfortunately, the closest things to epic musicals that i own involve either racism, assasination, or canibalism...and that's not what i mean (all though, i wouldn't mind thinking about how shitty people can be). i tried porter/fitzgerald and it didn't work...so, i reluctantly settle on fiona apple.

anyone got suggestions for me to track down and purchase/download?

*sigh* life is getting on my last nerve...people are getting on my last nerve. sometimes i wish i could just deal with society on a need to basis...then disappear from the face of the planet until i have to deal with people again.

if things were perfect, i would be a talented actress and wouldn't have to deal with people outside of necessity...i would be semi hermit...does this sound crazy?

am i crazy to think that that Strang kid had the idea before he blinded 4 horses?

people just let you down. they make you believe that they care, or are warming up to your bizzare personality and then forget about you, leaving you in complete delusion.

i feel dumb with smart people
and i feel wierd with dumb people.

things are never like the movies...fuck you hollywood.

02 nov 2006


nightmares and dreamscapes part deux

i keep having dreams about horses and equus every night...and they aren't pleseant dreams...they're like evil horse dreams...can't give specifics, but i know they're there...

ps-i changed my layout, if you're interested

pps-it's finally started to cool down, cloud over, and rain, a couple months after naked run...:)

01 nov 2006


nightmares and dreamscapes.

it's official. equus has consumed my life. after a couple of nights, i'm having dreams about it and the people in it. they aren't bad, just wierd...last night i had this whole dream sequence that centered around equus.

on top of this, i feel like i've lost a lot of time. like i've done nothing but sleep and stand back stage at the exspace. i almost feel like i've blacked out for a couple days...

but i think i would rather be sitting, freezing, backstage, listening to the actors perform then sitting in a class on science hill, taking a midterm that i'm sure i will fail.

ugh...that's passion, i guess.

none of my roomates want to go see it...infact, i don't think anyone i associate with in c10 want to go see it. i almost feel like, unless they have to, or they feel obligated, they won't go see a play...i don't think i'll ever understand. i love seeing plays...takes all kinds, i guess.

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